LIFE BEHIND A MASK

Do you still remember what life was like before the pandemic? Feeling the air on your skin because there was no facemask covering it, being able to travel anywhere without the hassle of having to line up for a swab test and quarantine, hugging your loved ones, eating outside without being separated by a plastic barrier, and many more things that all seem like a distant memory now. I can still remember, a week before lockdowns were implemented, people at the subway were mostly wearing facemasks; their number grew as the number of cases rose. I recall being weirded out and scared at the same time but I still couldn’t bring myself to do the same thing because I wasn’t used to it, and I hadn’t realized how grave the situation was becoming. 

The cursed day finally came. Televisions, radios, even social media were flooded with news reports of the growing number of cases in the country. I was at school that time, finishing a Magazine TV show; I remember being so occupied that I barely had any chance to think of the health crisis happening. I didn’t know then that it would be the last time I would work in a face-to-face production with my classmates although, I wish that I did because the people I used to see every day suddenly became 720p. On the same day, I received a message from my Supervisor at work, she told us that we had an option to stay at the office to still be able to attend work; being a broke 20-something with bills to pay I, of course, volunteered. I wasn’t thinking about how uncomfortable, and risky it would be to do that during a health crisis because I thought everything would all go back to normal after a couple of weeks; I was so wrong. How did the 2-week lockdown extend until 2022? 

When the pandemic started, we were all forced to pause our lives while some people are losing theirs. I suddenly had a lot of free time, and practically everyone on the internet advised me to try something new, which I did. I tried to make the most of my days in quarantine as much as I could just so I wouldn’t be alone with my thoughts. For a while, I had a glimpse of the life I should be having, but the dread of not being productive enough gradually crept in. Then, it dawned on me, even if I try to read books, learn how to cook, or even try to create something new, I still won’t be in the right headspace. I need to be kinder to myself.

2 years in the pandemic and I still feel frustrated for not living in a country with a better pandemic response; maybe life wouldn't be so horrible if I wasn't here? It's unknown. What I do know, though, is that life moves on, and I must as well. I don't like living in the "new normal," but it's the only option we have for the time being; I'm not sure when I'll stop missing the way I used to live pre-pandemic. I also have no idea what the future holds or if the pandemic will ever end, but I'll do my best not to let it happen to me while I live my life behind a mask.